Hello March, give me more glitter please.

This morning I woke to an awful shoulder pain
and snow flakes falling on my window glass.
Surprisingly so I wasn’t that disapointed.
Normally I would toss and turn in bed looking for any excuse to call in sick.
"My car is snowed in..There is a wreck in front of my drive way..I slept with my window open and now im sick."
But instead I got up with no complaints.
I was ready to be at work and ingulfed by the ordeals of others rather than my own.
I am sick and tired of my own ordeals. Mainly because I can't do much to change them.
I fear this blog will turn into my diary of frustrated stammers and sad hem haws.
Somedays I guess are better than others.  As will be my blog postings.
I want everyday to be great and happy La-Dee-Dahs,
but who am I kidding having the mentality and naïve nature, reality hits and my heart is flicked off my sleeve again.
Sigh.
My words scream out loud sometimes and they are used and twisted however people
may want them to be. But at least I get them out of my brain so that they aren't fumbling about disrubpting the others.
I rather get the unwanted grey thoughts out and make room for more glittery ones.
Anyways (quick change of pace), Just wanted to say Happy March! :)
More La-Dee-Dahs to come… <3

Clubhouse of awesome-cool dreams

There are many things I miss from my childhood.

Things I can’t do anymore.

Like playing outside in jelly sandals in the dirt, or climbing trees or playing cops and robbers, or having imaginary friends. If I did any of those things now, people would think I just came from the Looney bin ..or needed to go to one. Can you imagine me sitting in a tree barefoot talking to an imaginary Fred?! I took my childhood for granted. How would I have known though; what the world was going to be like. What’s that saying, “If I knew then what I know now..”, I would have played a lot harder and not argued about taking naps.

This Saturday was a blast from the past. I watched Saturday morning cartoons and  built a fort in my living room with my boyfriend.

I know it sounds totally silly and childish, but it was amusing and quite gratifying.

Not only to be goofy and relaxing in PJ's but to watch my boyfriend configure this fort. Using sheets and kitchen chairs with floss and hangers and old strings. He got so into it. (It was pretty comical dear)

Building the fort was surprisingly more tricky than I had expected it to be. Granted it was tricky when I was younger and would take half the day to complete it (probably because I was just as OCD then, as I am now) but I had assumed the “growing up” part of life would have helped with the fort-building knowledge. Now that I think about it, there was never a class for that in school.

Anyways I had forgotten at first how to make a fort. I knew what supplies would be sufficient but couldn’t really remember how to put it all together. It’s like that movie “Look who’s talking now” with John Travolta and Kirstie Alley. Once you hit a certain age you lose the ability to recall certain things a baby would or whatever it was. Hmm maybe that was a different movie?..

I forgot what it was like to be 6 years old and cookin’ up adventure in my fort. Imagining I was in a secret clubhouse and other people could only enter under certain conditions like stating wacky passwords or coming up with ridiculous handshakes.

The fort symbolized a reminiscence of adolescence. I loved it and that I would have someone in my life who loved it as well is great. I recommend everyone relive a part of their childhood that they loved. Why not? It’s pretty cool, if I do say so myself. J

Does anyone remember POGS?

Ale

Dear Lysol

Ugh you failed me Lysol.

You were suppose to kill the germs and keep me safe.

You told me you would remove 95% of the allergens.

I guess the other 5% got the better of you! Or me for that matter. :(

The viruses and bacteria beat your Lemon-Lime-Blossom disinfecting skills.

I thought you had my back Lysol..I thought we were friends..

Who else am I suppose to rely on.. Purell ?

Psh I tried that once..it was a joke.

Okay okay..maybe I’m being a bit harsh.

I’m just really upset because my throat hurts so bad my nose won't stop running,

And this cough..ugh its terrible and gross.

Now I have to use Theraflu everyday..:(

AND I TOLD YOU about what Nyquil does to me…

Please Lysol wont you step it up next time. I mean I really don’t want to stop using you.

But what’s the point if I get sick anyways.

I know..I know you keep my desk at work shiny and smelling good..but

Windex can do that. You really want to be replaced with Windex??

Sincerely,

A sick person

Mindless Assumption

I know I'm not perfect and I wont make excuses for my actions or my imperfections.

They are what they are and all I can do is work to improve them.

My recent actions have caused and upheaval.

The actions weren't wrong or unreasonable.

Although they may have been made worse from imperfections.

Meaning, if  I could do them over I would..

but not to change the course of action, only to tweak certain things.

Timing, specific wording, maybe share more of my honest feelings..or less sharing perhaps.

Less defending, less explaining, less convincing, more meditating, more forgiving, more forgetting.

I'm working on showing and giving love regardless of other imperfections.

I have recently prayed more for guidance rather than answers.

I don't really need answers as to why people do and say the things they do.

I just need to know where to go from here.

And how to do things humbly.

Quite honestly I won't tell people anything or "My side of the story", if I am not asked. Even if i was asked, I doubt I would have much to say anymore.

I prayed for guidance and constantly hear, "The wise say less", "Less is more", "Have self-control", and "Learn to keep your mouth shut".

Someone of great eminence recently told his audience, "If someone wrongs you or you feel the urge to spout words, quite literally put your hand over your mouth, use more than the usual effort to keep from speaking harshly, even if it's a defense of yourself."

I have this need to control everything that happens in my life.

I came to the conclusion that sometimes, unfortunately,

we have to just roll with the punches, regardless of how much they hurt.

It'ts not how to stop things from happening, but how we handle them when they do.

I..

You..

We will always deal with judgment, opinionated people, dirty looks, jealousy, slander...whatever it is.

People don't need proof, evidence, or facts, to come up with their mindless assumptions and theories as to what they feel or what they believe to true about you..or themselves.

So I won't battle the assumptions people lay in front of me anymore. 

My world won't be shaped from speculations or facades.

I have realized timing is everything.

I have learned to roll with the punches.

I have accepted that less is sometimes more.

And I'll remind myself that love never fails.

Ale

You Stealer of Dreams!

Id just much rather be in bed than at work.
I'm sure you..who ever is reading this,
can relate to the first time you open your eyes in the morning and the intense urge to shut them immediately in the same second, and even than, its not soon enough.
Sleep never feels as good as it does when your alarm goes off;
the covers have never been more warm;
and your eyelids have never been heavier.
This morning I couldn’t find any valid excuses for staying in bed,
except for the fact I wanted to finish my dream.
My lala land ruin by the buzzing noise that made everything freeze.
Like putting a movie on pause.
I hit snooze like I was pressing play.
I kept telling myself, "Just five more minutes..five more.. Okay five more.."
By this point though the dream world had long gone. And I found myself chasing it.
"Stupid alarm! You stealer of dreams!..I hate you so bad right now!"

Roll out of the covers into the cold air, open the bedroom door eyes still shut.
It's not that I  dread the new day.
It's just that I loathe waking up in this way.
I want to wake when my dream has come to an end.
But the sudden screeching, and persistant fuss it wretched.
I have to jump up in panic and fight the covers and pillows to find the snooze button.
My sorrows only deepin once I realize
all this will be repeated again..
the same way..
the same time.. tomorrow.



Ale

There's a Ringing in My Ear

Do you ever hear a noise that makes your skin crawl?
Like nails down the chalk board for example?
Maybe its someones voice, or a squeeky door hinge…
There is a chair at work that creeks everytime the person in it moves.
He just so happens to move often…very often.
Drives
Me
Mad.
Its really not even that loud its just like... an annoying ringing in your ear.
No one  else can hear it; and you know it will eventually fade or get better, but you desperately
and impatiently want that it to go away. And the more you think about it, the louder it gets.
I want to get him a new chair. A chair that doesn’t creek.
"Its already hard enough coming to work guy, please quit moving so dang much."
I have daydreamed many times about taking the chair,
wheeling it out to the lobby, and SHOVING it down the flight of stairs.
...I'm just not so sure how that would go over with the boss.
The fall might create a disturbance.
If my next blog title is "Fired" ya'll know why...


Ale

Void

In the context of emptiness. The more I think about the word the more perplexing it becomes, and more displeased I get with it. It’s very unsettling.. But it’s tolerable. I can see and feel positive things; happiness, encouragement, comfort, joy, love and yet, they are being viciously ripped right out from underneath me. Or at least something is constantly trying to do so. It’s a game of tug-a-war. And I was warned it would be just that. I never quite fall down but it never fails to catch me completely off guard. Sometimes the unanticipated, could have been anticipated on my part. Undeniably, I have learned a lot, but not about myself, about you and the qualities you have; the qualities you show, you want, the qualities you hide. And yes, I said YOU and not I. Forgive me if I focus on the you. Let’s not be hypocrites. I have only been reminded of me, and who I still am. There are things I will change about myself but only because I want to anticipate, to forgive, to let go, and save myself in the process. But I am not empty and I don’t have a void to be filled. I am very full of things…of life or pray to be. And you have all seen that. So you can have your shoes. You can have your power. And you can have your dubious emotions because if that’s what’s insisted upon and what't wanted, I won’t take them from you.