Void

In the context of emptiness. The more I think about the word the more perplexing it becomes, and more displeased I get with it. It’s very unsettling.. But it’s tolerable. I can see and feel positive things; happiness, encouragement, comfort, joy, love and yet, they are being viciously ripped right out from underneath me. Or at least something is constantly trying to do so. It’s a game of tug-a-war. And I was warned it would be just that. I never quite fall down but it never fails to catch me completely off guard. Sometimes the unanticipated, could have been anticipated on my part. Undeniably, I have learned a lot, but not about myself, about you and the qualities you have; the qualities you show, you want, the qualities you hide. And yes, I said YOU and not I. Forgive me if I focus on the you. Let’s not be hypocrites. I have only been reminded of me, and who I still am. There are things I will change about myself but only because I want to anticipate, to forgive, to let go, and save myself in the process. But I am not empty and I don’t have a void to be filled. I am very full of things…of life or pray to be. And you have all seen that. So you can have your shoes. You can have your power. And you can have your dubious emotions because if that’s what’s insisted upon and what't wanted, I won’t take them from you.

Elephant

He’s in the room with me often. More so than not.

I have helped him outside more than once, but for some reason,

He really like that corner.

And keeps sneaking back in somehow.

I thought that I was going crazy, and that I was the only one that could see him.

But recently learned other people can too.

And for awhile I accepted him being there.

I got to the point where I welcomed him; figured at least I wasn’t alone.

I fed him, drug him from room to room.

The only problem is he is getting bigger, and louder, and more annoying than ever.

I use to just push him out of my way and laugh at the charade, and usually that was sufficient enough.

Now I’m having to squeeze passed him uncomfortably. He’s eating up everything.

Always in the way. Craping all over the place.

Rude comments, opinionated thoughts, and a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.

He munches on it.

I’m typically not one to lope from a war of words.

But it seems with this Elephant,

the opposite end of the world wouldn’t be far enough away.

Ale

Your secrets safe with me.

  

A secret is most commonly defined as 

"Something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others".

Sometimes secrets can be thrilling; happy secrets. 

Or even bad ones; ones that are to good to be kept contained ironically once you label something as being a secret, "don’t tell anyone but.." is exactly when it becomes notorious.

Maybe so much as a whisper from ear to ear, a text or a hint, a gesture, a smile, a wink, a hesitation in response, and before you know it that once a secret thing is staring you back in the face.

A secret is also defined as 

"Something that is not properly understood; a mystery."

"Secret" could be applied more often than just the notion of sharing and telling. 

 It could be applied to events that have happened, things you have seen and questioned, or people that come into your life. I see, hear, and experience secrets everyday. My favorite secrets though are the ones best kept.          The ones that are secrets until you no longer want them to be or until they no longer need to be defined as such.

 The secrets you keep to yourself in a little box with a bow wrapped around it.

The secrets you know wont be secrets forever..

Chaos

The city is full of surprises.

Some people don’t like surprises.

I could understand why.

No control over an unexpected- astonishing event, fact, or thing.

But I on the other hand,

       I LOVE the city.

Granted its nice to have quiet-peaceful time, privacy, and cleaner suburban atmospheres.

But I have recently learned that the city is akin to the things I am fond of.

Inspiration.

Creativity.

Adventure.

Chaos. 

Chaos meaning behavior so unpredictable as to appear random.

 I'm not in fear of the city ..any city.

 I'm happy for that, because those who are,

are missing out.

Ale

Rosey Cheeks and Extra Chapstick

 Its more than officially Winter.
 I felt the ice in my soul when I woke this morning.
Usually I am not particularly a fan of the cold.
It comes with an aching, groaning, growling, and moaning
Sun with no warmth in it.
Snow with no fun in it.
Winds with only ice  in it.
Air with no smell in it.
Trees with no life in it.
A broken-frozen-jaded type of weather.
And its been this way since birth.

But this year, this year's different.

I felt the ice in my soul when I woke this morning.
And welcomed it.
I'm ready for fires with marshmallows.
Movies with blankets.
Winter Light with cheery smiles.
Snow and boots.
Scarfs and gloves.
Rosey Cheeks and extra chap-stick.    
My breath in the air.
And my friends to share it all with.


Ale

Content

I use to worry about every decision I would make.
Good or bad .
Always afraid of the outcome.
Don't get me wrong, I have never lacked confidence. Just faith in other people.
I have been the rebel as well as the good girl.
Both can be very stressful.
I won't go on and on about everything I have been through in my life but I will say I have learned an abundance of truth. And wouldn’t have it any other way.
I don’t have regrets, or "wish I could do over's".
I have prayed for wisdom and strength and believe that with the events that have come along I have gained a little bit of both.
I use to be bitter and confused  and although the bitterness tries to seep back into my emotions at times confusion no longer plays a  part. 
I have heard that I am naive, and imprudent.
I laugh at the people who tell me so.
Mainly for their lack of awareness and observation.

I don’t fear change and in fact I welcome it.
But  I am finally content  with who I am,
the people in my life 
and the way we live it.
Today I don't wish for more.



Ale

Fly

Today my car was backed into.

Normally one would panic, be pissed off, yell, maybe be a little shocked.

But I really didnt have any kinda of negative response.

It was just another normal day with an unfortunant event.

Not that everyday I experience, has misfortune but today just did.

Several things crossed my mind initially

1. I'm going to be late for work,

2. I hope this lady isn't crazy,

and 3. What does my trunk look like.

Than several random thoughts followed.

1. I wish I had my pilots license

2. How much does a jet cost

and 3. I wish I was rich

I assume this thought came about because if I had a jet..

I wouldnt need a car.

In reality I would still need a car. ( obviously I couldnt fly to work.)

Even though if the world revolved around me..I would, but it doesn't

therefore, I was late to work.

Ale

Blurple

I tend to make life more complicated than it needs to be.

I do my best to remind myself everyday that simple things

can be the most rewarding and they can be ruined by analytical mindsets.

I am very analytical, which isnt always a bad thing, but it can atually cloud beauty and refection. 

It tends to balance itself out. And having good friends always helps too..

Yesterday I spent hours  trying to figure out the technical color of this flower I took.

Violet, periwinkle, indigo, blue, purple..none seemed to match. 

I was getting perturbed because colors are very significant to my photography it was germane that

I named the picture by this mysterious color.

My best friend took a glance at the photo and 2 seconds later said, Blurple.

I laughed with doubtfulness.

When had she come up with this word..?

To my amazement it is a color. It may not be defined in Webster

But it is defined in various other places.

And mentally matched the photo perfectly.

Mainly because it cant be defined with a technical color,

it needed to be made up and merged from two.

Much like you did with words when you were 5 years old on the

playground and and things in life were easy because you made them that way.

Sometimes the answer you are looking for, is quite simple

childish, outside of the box, and frankly more silly than you expect it to be.

Thanks friend.

Ale